It gets better

(Image courtesy of www.younghouselove.com)

So this is a post i've been wanting to do for awhile. I just haven't had the time to sit down and gather my thoughts. A few weeks ago, a Rutgers freshman committed suicide. He was gay and his roommates and their friends videotaped him having sex with another boy. His roommate broadcasted this video to the public and basically humiliated him. I realize this is wrong, but i also know how college kids think and i'm sure they didn't realize the severity or the impact this would make on the boy. But still, how could they.

Anyway, yes, that is so humiliating. I would die if my private business was shown to the whole world. I would also die if I was gay and already had a hard time fitting into society or finding my place in this world. Of course I say i would die b/c i'ma dramatic person, but i'm not sure if i would really go so far as killing myself. And its such a shame for this boy to think that everything that was happening to him was the end of the world. After this incident, Perez Hilton was advocating the saying, "It gets better." Isn't it so sad to think that this boy thought this was so horrible he would never be able to feel good about himself again? If only he knew that life moves on and that it WILL get better - maybe he would have saved his life.

It hits home even more so now as a mom. I would never want Gabe to go through life thinking he was alone and that he couldn't stand living anymore. I'd want him to know how much support he has through Wil and I and all of our family and friends. I'd want him to take everything day by day. He'll have his happy moments and of course he'll have his sad moments. As his mom, i wish i could shield him from all the future pain i know he'll feel. But i know that's life - that's how he'll learn. He has to go through some of those rough times to appreciate what he has or to figure out where his happiness truly lies. But, although i have to accept that he'll cry, have broken hearts, be humiliated, get hurt, I hope to instill in him that "It gets better." I hope the love I feel for him is strong enough to give him his own strength and edurance to face anything in this world.

Tips to survive the first 2 months

With Gabe being almost 7 weeks, i'm just about to finish my 2 month mark as a mommy. I officially know how it feels to be away from civilization and feel like i'm in my own little world. My nights turned into days, and my days into nights. My pj's became my choice of apparel 24 hours a day. But to ensure your sanity and your inner goddess, you cannot do this -which i soon came to realize.


Dressing up, even just to stay at home, does wonders for your esteem. This along with other tips, reminds you of who you are as a person within your home, and as a person in this massive world.

A happy mommy means a happy baby, as they say.

So, here's what i learned to stay sane:


1) stare at your baby everyday and thank God for your blessings. Babies are such miracles and truly a gift to our lives. Remember how lucky we are. Also don't forget how fast time flies and how fast babies grow. Cherish every moment.


2) take a shower everyday and dress up. i'm not saying you have to wear an evening gown. But wear something other than pj's or sweats. even if it means wearing a long single strand necklace with your v neck tee or even a funky cocktail ring that you can stare at every time you hold your baby, play with them, change their diaper, or anything else you do with your baby. Remind yourself of who you are.


3) Get a new mommy haircut. You don't have to do anything drastic, but even just trimming the split ends improves the appearance and luster of your hair. Plus its nice to be pampered for a bit- especially getting that nice head massage :).


4) Do your nails. You probably feel like you don't have time to do this, but with all the hand sanitizing, washing baby bottles, washing hands after changing diapers, your hands turn out to be a mess. Make the time to do it. Moisturize your hands regularly. Paint your nails a happy color. Make it your favorite color or even the color of the season. Plus, i'm sure you've been taking a lot of pictures of you holding baby so wouldn't it be nice to have nice hands in the picture?


5) take advantage of friends and family. If people offer to help, whether its to cook you dinner, clean, babysit, or whatever - take advantage of it. Its easy to not want to bother people, but trust me, people really want to help -it makes them feel important in your life.


6) sleep - of course the thought of a good 8 hour sleep is out the door, but sleep when your baby sleeps. Its easy to do chores, go on the computer, watch tv while your baby is down. But none of these are as important to your well-being as sleep. This will help prevent you from being a zombie the whole day.


7) Get out of the house. Don't let yourself get cooped up. You and your baby need fresh air. Whether its for a stroll in your neighborhood or even going to dinner with outdoor seating. You'll feel a hundred times better seeing people and being around people. Obviously baby is still young so you can't go to the mall/grocery/anywhere congested with people. But open air places like the park are great places for a mini-getaway from home. Getting that exercise will make you feel better too.


8) catch up with your girlfriends. Have them come over, or in my case, have a nice long chat with them on the phone if they live far away. Hearing that familiar voice and laughing over stupid things will make you happy


9) Make sure you and your husband/partner share a minimum of a 5 minutes hugging. Sometimes its just nice to be in each others arms, feeling protected, instead of being the "protector" all the time

Why Women Cry

I've been a bit emotional this past week. I think its a combination from being anxious for baby to arrive, from the aches and pains of pregnancy, wondering if i'll be a good mom, comparing myself to others and wondering if i'm taking care of my body as much as I should have, frustrations at not having the energy to do all the errands/housecleaning that i want to do, getting tired easily, lack of sleep, everything!

i came across a website: www.blessingsforlife.com and found a BEAUTIFUL poem/story that i found comfort in and i wanted to share it with you.

Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" Because I'm a woman she told him. "I don't understand, " he said. His mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will." Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?" "All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put a call in to God. When God got on the phone he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said:

"When I made the woman, she has to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclucively to use whenever its is needed."

"You see my son," said God, " the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carrys, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart-the place where love resides."

-author unknown

Namaste

ok, so this post is going to turn into a pity session so if you're not in the mood, just don't read this one. I have no clue why -but some of the pregnancy articles for "30 weeks" say that your old emotional highs and lows are going to start returning in your 3rd trimester because of your hormones, anxiety about the labor, your weight gain etc. And so of course, i do get in this depressed mode this weekend.

I went to the Decatur Yoga and Pilates Center this past saturday for my first prenatal yoga session.

Not only was it my first class i took pregnant, it was my first yoga session ever. (Unless you want to count the yoga class i took in college that i studied for and managed to get a B while my friend Ryan religiously copied my homework and managed to get an A - no i'm not bitter about that.... :)) Anyway, to say the least i was very intimidated in going. I didn't know anyone and I had absolutely no clue if i could handle the class. Plus, i have no clue why i only decided to start while i'm in my third trimester - i had 2 trimesters to start this!

I arrive - like an hour early -i told you i was anxious, the place is small but homey. of course lots of candles and incense, small statues of buddha lying around. The walls were multi color of calming lavendars and blues. I signed in and was told where to go. I went to the "zen room" with my little purple mat that i bought specific for this occasion, my little red towel and my bottle of water. Another girl was in the room so i sorta situated myself next to her. I tried to make conversation about the things we would need for class but she just kind of nodded her head and didn't really talk much more. Why was she so much cooler than me? hahaha - that's totally what i was thinking. i was the nerdy girl with the big *ss smile who smiled at everyone who walked into the room. i'm sure i had this look of "please be my friend" as people arrived. lol.

And so it started. I started comparing myself to the other preggies in the room - 5 of us total - and of course i'm the biggest one! Everyone was so fit except for this cute belly - i swear i was like a hippo next to all of them. I'm not even exagerating. Plus i'm thinking i must be the farthest one along - nope - i think i'm the last one along. I was so embarassed - it just made me wonder what people think of me. i know people have their own lives to worry about but i just wonder what people's first reactions are of me? do they think, "wow, she really let herself go?" This was the same thing i wondered at my 2 minnesota baby showers -especially the one for the adults. You know how aunts and uncles are, especially filipino ones. They can be brutal!!!!

Anyway, so we went around the room and introduced ourselves, how far along we were, where we were delivering, etc. I mentioned it was my first yoga session and the teacher was pretty surprised. I was surprised she was surprised. I guess most people who do this class do yoga regularly - i don't know. Other thoughts that went thru my head were that people were thinking "you can totally tell this girl doesn't do yoga, let alone exercise."

And so we started the session with low intensity stances - such as the downward dog. This is peace of cake for probably everybody. For me, it was a nightmare. A lot of your weight rests on your arms and hands - i am so out of shape it isn't even funny. When i first got pregnant, i was too nervous to do anything!!!! i was so scared of losing this pregnancy - this is my 3rd pregnancy and the first two resulted in miscarriages so with this one, i wouldn't let myself do anything strenuous. So there i was doing this downward dog, relaxing music in the background, the teacher talking in a calming voice, and me, shaking uncontrollably from holding all my weight on my arms. Of course this didn't help my insecurities i was feeling at the beginning of class.

We went through other movements and the teacher was always nice to come to me and position me correctly - this didn't bother me. i know people understood that i was new. i think i was just mad at myself for starting so late, for being so fat, etc. But i do have to say, as i was doing the poses, i would concentrate on baby and keep thinking, "this is for us, baby." I know a lot of things i do are for me, getting cute maternity clothes, getting a mani/pedi, etc, and this is one of the first few things that i truly felt was for baby and i.

Well then that thought made me depressed. Then i started thinking what a self centered b*tch i am for thinking of myself and not my baby all the time. arrrrggggh.

So this whole session, instead of feeling relaxed, and calm and better about myself for exercising and doing something good for 2 people, turned out to make me depressed that night! i mean, i loved the overall yoga experience and what the whole eastern thinking is about, but it just put my whole realistic mentality into perspective and i didn't like it. So, i don't know what to say. The teacher at the Decatur Yoga and Pilates place was great, the class was great, but for me, it just put my emotional state down instead of what i hoped i would feel when i left that class.

Namaste.